Engagements, Weddings? Questions... Sorta a poll

[Ratty Corner]

I had a work colleague whose husband was 15 years older than her, but they never told her parents what the age difference was. Her mum didn't find out his real age until 30 or so years later when he hit 65 and retired!  

[RatStalker]

Mine doesn't look at Playboy & stuff like that either.  He also doesn't watch sports on TV, which is GREAT!

[Bonnie]

Heehee- before I moved in with Jeremy we went to Phoenix for the ASU/UofA football game, and since my Grandparents live up there we stayed at thier house.

Well my Grandma knew we were in a serious relationship, but knew we didn't live together.

When it came bed time she did her usual routine of pulling out extra blankets to make sure you had enough...she stopped and looked at me, and asked "do you want to stay in the same room, or do you..." but it was more of a mumbled. stuttered type of  thing...

To make her feel better I told her that two rooms would be fine. I think she was very comforted in that, because she let out this shallow sigh that I don't think I was supposed to hear. Then she told me how my cousin (I am the second oldest Grandchild to him, and I'm one year younger) comes with his girlfriend and stays together.

Of course now that Jermey and I are married, she just makes us one bed, but I thought it was funny for my grandma to ask if I wanted to share a room

[DebW]

The funny thing is, when we went to visit his parents, they wouldn't let us sleep in the same room! We were living together, yet we had to sleep apart at their house because we weren't married! LOL!

My ex husband and I have been divorced for 17 years, but have continued to see each other for all but 2 of those years.  We live in separate houses, but go out together, vacation together, etc...  He never goes with me to visit my father, because it would be awkward for my dad if we stayed in the same bedroom together.

On the other hand, my daughter and her boyfriend just moved in together. Other than the fact that we wish she were a bit older, her dad and I don't feel we have much of a right to say anything.  They've dated a year and I guess we feel it's better than her living with a complete stranger.  They're both in school, pretty responsible, work, and share expenses.  I wouldn't expect them to sleep in separate rooms if we lived in diffrent towns and they came to visit.

By the way, my father who lives in another town, has no idea they live together and we're not telling him.

Another by the way:  My dad started dating a year after my mother's death and HE spends the night with his new girlfriend and they vacation together.  Double standard or what!!!!???

[Jen at PRC]

1.  How old were you when you got engaged?

~22

2.  How long were you engaged?

just under a year

3.  How old when you got married?

~23

4.  How long have you been married?

10 months..... geez, has it been that long already?

5.  How did you know s/he was Mr./Mrs. Right?

I couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else.  Also, I had the feeling that I had managed to find the world's most perfect man.

[Krystal]

We won't visit anyone if they won't let us sleep in the same bed.   If they don't accept it and don't want it under their roof, then we'll stay under our roof and be just fine.

I don't think we've ever fought over household chores.  He does kitchen things (most cooking, dishes, ect) and I do things like vaccuum, sweep, dust, ect.

Neither one of us makes the bed

I'm the kind of woman who gets upset when he wants to go out with his friends.  Mostly because I don't know anyone down here yet.  I like his friends, so it's not that.  Just makes me feel abandoned.   If I had friends down here, it wouldn't be so bad.  So if anyone has words of advice on that, let me hear em

We're not married, so I can't comment on that.  We just live together.  We need more money to have a wedding.  

[Ensie]

Last Christmas, the whole family was up at my parent's place in Eugene, Oregon. My boyfriend and I came, too, but we didn't stay at Mom and Dad's. We stayed at a hotel because we knew that Mom and Dad would still try to impose their traditional (read: outdated) values on us and make us sleep separately. But get this: THEY paid for the hotel! I guess if they don't have to actually SEE us go into the same bedroom, then they're fine with it. At the time, it seemed pretty hypocritical, but I didn't complain because we couldn't afford the hotel on our own.

[RatStalker]

We're not married, so I can't comment on that.  We just live together.  We need more money to have a wedding.  

Says who?  If you wanted to get married, just go get married, then have a family BBQ later.

[Krystal]

Says who?  If you wanted to get married, just go get married, then have a family BBQ later.

Well, Josh insists on me having the ring I want, so he's saving up for that (it's not expensive, but we're not rich, heehee).  I definately don't want much of a wedding, but I would love my parents to be there (they live in WI).  If I could manage to fly them down here to AZ for it, it would be wonderful.  

In the end, I doubt they'll be able to make it, but he wants more than anything to be able to put that ring on my finger.  We'd also like the rats to be there. Have I mentioned I love him? How many guys want to make sure the rats attend the wedding?!

[Suebee]

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I'm the kind of woman who gets upset when he wants to go out with his friends.  Mostly because I don't know anyone down here yet.  I like his friends, so it's not that.  Just makes me feel abandoned.   If I had friends down here, it wouldn't be so bad.  So if anyone has words of advice on that, let me hear em

Hmm... you know, I try not to sweat it. Almost all of my close friends are online and hundreds of miles away, so I don't have too many people to hang out with locally (I'm the kind of person who has one or two close friends rather than tons of social acquaitances, anyway). Fortunately, I work two evenings a week and Sunday afternoons, so he gets to hang out with his friends guilt-free during those times.

But there are times when he wants to go out with the guys, and I just find something else to do. To be honest, sometimes I enjoy the "me time." I usually end up reading, watching a movie, or working on crafts. I think getting upset when he wants to hang with the boys every once in a while creates a lot of negative vibes in the relationship. You have to be able to let go sometimes, and learn to enjoy a certain level of solitude. Of course, I'm a fairly solitary person in general... when I was a kid, my mom was so happy that I was able to keep myself occupied most of the time. My brother, on the other hand, bores easily, and was hell on wheels...

Of course, if he spends too much time with the guys and none with you, or he comes home at crazy hours and you have no idea when to expect him (applies more to married or co-habitating couples than those dating and living apart), then there could be a problem. John did that once.

Just once.

He was with the guys at the local gaming store. I knew it closed at 9 pm, so I expected him home about 9:30. Instead, he went to his friend's house, and stayed there gaming until 2 a.m. I stayed up, and sat in the dark in the living room until he came home. He knew I was pissed when I was barely speaking to him and sitting in the dark. I wouldn't accept his apology for 48 hours. He never did it again.

[Anmllvr731]

1.  How old were you when you got engaged?

Formally engaged? Uhm he proposed while we were making the wedding arrangements. *grin*

  Oh Ruthie you crack me up lol lol lol

[Anmllvr731]

Okay, this is more of a curiosity thing than anything else...  But, I'm REALLY curious, so help me out here people!  Just a few quick questions and then I'll be all set.    Course, you can't really answer these if you haven't at least been engaged, but I suppose you could pretend   lol

1.  How old were you when you got engaged?

  21

2.  How long were you engaged?

  2 years

3.  How old when you got married?
   
   22

   

4.  How long have you been married?

    13 years

5.  How did you know s/he was Mr./Mrs. Right?

    my instant best friend, I just knew he was the one

6.  I can't think of the question I was going to ask, so put whatever you want here.  

    We lived together for 2 years and I wouldn't of had it any other way. We got some flack from some relatives, but oh well it was our lives and we were doing what we wanted to do.

     Congrats Grace. I hope everything works out for you both the way you want it to. Remember, it's your lives and do what makes you two happy.

[Anmllvr731]

  Then, I realized it wasn't worth it - so I asked him if he could try to remember not to do them.  Well, maybe it wasn't so polite, it may have involved hitting him in the head with the aforementioned balled up socks.  Then he let me know that it makes him crazy when I (in his words), molest his toothpaste.  He can't remember to use a spoon rest, so I bought 4 of them, and put them all around the stove.  I can't use his toothpaste, so I get my own tube.  And if he leaves socks balled up, I don't wash them.  So, the moral is compromise, don't just suck it up!    

ya know, when you're living through this type of experience, it's so maddening. But when you read what other people go through it's hysterical. My sides hurt from reading some od this stuff!!!!!

My husband was really bad about everything when we first started living together. Over the years he's done well, learning where the hamper is and what it's for, putting all his things to the side in a corner when he comes home instead of dumping it all over the floor, etc
  The only thing I can't break him of is when he cooks/eats and can't rinse the dishes, so the next morning the food remains are all fossilized and I have to stand with sos pads and scrub for an hour ugh!. But otherwise he's great.