Breaking up is hard to do.

[Ktina]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 months.  Honestly, it's my first actual long and meaningful relationship.  He means a lot to me, and I like to think I mean a lot to him, too.

The thing is, lately we have been fighting a lot.  It is over stupid stuff, but the thing is the fighting brings out other stuff.  Like the fact that if I'm not in the best mood (and I try not to show it) he will get all defensive and mad and just leave.  Not trying to work it out or find out what's wrong.  After we get into a fight we will say that we cannot fight anymore over stupid stuff and we have to learn to work it out, but it never happens on his end.

There are other things that bug me, too.  Like he is always tired, so we never actually go places.  I have to beg him to take me somewhere on a sort of "date", and when I do that he sits there and complains and doesn't enjoy himself.  He also acts insewcure at times.  Like he can have girls as friends but I can't have guys as friends because then I must obviously be cheating. 

Honestly there are just so many things that upset me.  This relationship is so up and down.  Most of the time I'm left questioning things and wondering if he actually cares about me (even though he says it, but actions are far stronger than words).  One day I will be completely happy and the next I will be so sad and so close to ending it.  It's so hard to think about ending it, though.  He is the first guy I can be myself around without having to worry and I am very close to him.  But shouldn't I be more happy?

Do you guys have any advice?  I'm just wondering if I'm being over emotional about this.  Are there any sort of "stories" you can share with me that may help?

[whtnyte]

Here is a little something I wrote for the Fibromyalgia group I belong to last year when we had a relationship discussion going on there:

Being a Man, Being a Lady

1. Being born male does not make you a man.
2. Being born female does not make you a Lady.
3. Men open doors for women all the time, whether they are romantically interested or not.
4. A Lady should still retain the ability to blush.
5. A Gentleman will hold doors open for his Lady, pull chairs out for her to be seated, help her on with her coat.
6. A Lady will let him, appreciate it, and not get offended or think her "liberation is being threatened"
7. A male/female that abuses, mistreats, or disrespects women/men, children or animals in any way is not a man/lady, just a boy/girl in a larger body.
8. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat their pets and by their relationship with their parents. If they are unkind to either, what makes you think they will treat you any different?
9. Things that annoy you about a person when your dating don't go away when you get married, they get 10X worse.
10. Avoid the 3A's at all cost in another person, Addiction, Adultery, Abuse. The three biggest "deal breakers"

Hmm, that's all that comes to mind right now. Anyone want to add to the list or debate what I have so far?

Reed

*EDIT*
11. Fixer uppers are for houses. You can't "fix" another person, the only one you can change is yourself.

Same thing I posted in the "my b/f hates my rats" topic (which didn't seem to make any difference there lol)

If this were a car buying situation, and you were not happy in the car you were test driving, seats uncomfortable, car stalls going around the block, etc... Would you buy it? NO! You'd look for something you could be happy driving.
Relationships are more important than cars, don't settle for less than being happy at least most of the time.

[Nokithis]

If this were a car buying situation, and you were miserable in the car you were test driving, seats uncomfortable, car stalls going around the block, etc... Would you buy it? NO! You'd look for something you could be happy driving.
Relationships are more important than cars, don't settle for less than being happy at least most of the time.

you know, this is incredible advice!  change the word "miserable" to "not happy" and it's perfect.  most of us wouldn't buy that car if it had any of those flaws, so why should we settle for less in our relationships?

[E!!]

He is the first guy I can be myself around without having to worry and I am very close to him.  But shouldn't I be more happy?

You aren't happy because in all reality you can't be yourself around him. If he gets mad at you for being in anything but the best of moods, if you want to go out and all he does is complain and if having male friends means that you are cheating on him, how can you say that you can be yourself around him? Someone who truly loves YOU will understand when you have a bad day, do their best to make you happy and tell you to have a good time when you go out with your friends, not give you the tenth degree.

In the grand scheme of things, 3 months isn't that long of a time. The longer you stick around the harder it will be and not only because you will be more attached, but also you will find yourself thinking that you put too much effort into the relationship to just walk away. Thinking like that is a trap. Your heart and your gut are telling you what you need to know, it is written all over your post.

[NutKitty]

Be glad that you only had to deal with him for three months. 

My first real relationship lasted over five years...  gah.  Talk about a waste of time.  :/

[Krystal]

I must not be a lady, and my husband must not be a man.  I don't need anyone to hold doors for me or put on my coats just because I was born female..  Thankfully my husband doesn't feel that that I need to blush, either. 

If you're questioning it 3 months in, I say go your separate ways.  If you enjoy being friends then great...otherwise chalk it up to experience

[Ktina]

My first real relationship lasted over five years...  gah.  Talk about a waste of time.  :/

Geez how did you get over that?

[JennJenn]

If you're questioning it 3 months in, I say go your separate ways.

I agree. Three months in you are still in the honeymoon stage of a relationship.  If you feel this way already he is probably not the one for you.  Everyone gets annoyed and mad at the person they're with from time to time, but if you are unhappy more than you're happy its not a good sign.  Especially so early in the relationship. 

[RompStompnBoogie]

I pretty recently ended a five year relationship. We lived together for three of those years. I had some of the same feelings you are having now, pretty much from the beginning. I convinced myself that the few and far between good times outweighed the bad times. They didn't. Things only got worse as time went on. He would flip out if I talked to my male friends and even got upset when I hung out with my female friends. I felt like I had to walk on egg shells, censor everything I said, and try to act a certain way to appease him. I wasn't happy. We broke up and got back together several times. He'd always promise to change and I'd always take the bait, but he would never follow through. It finally ended almost a year ago. In retrospect, I wasted so much time, turned down so many opportunities and lost so many friends...all for someone I wasn't even happy with. Sometimes it takes a bad experience to teach an important lesson...but several years is quite a long time to waste on something like that. If you are already feeling this way, make like a Tom and cruise. People don't change unless they want to and just wanting to make things work isn't going to change your chemistry or compatibility. Just as a side note...from personal experience, people that constantly accuse their girl/boyfriend of cheating without a reason to think so are very often guilty of it themselves. Don't let this guy get the best of you. Breaking up is hard to do, but going through all the crap that some people go through for years and years would be much harder to swallow! Heck, I wish I ended it after three months! Keep your head up and don't ever sacrifice yourself for someone else.

[NutKitty]

My first real relationship lasted over five years...  gah.  Talk about a waste of time.  :/

Geez how did you get over that?

Considering he was caught in a shower with another girl...  and the girl's boyfriend, it was pretty easy.  I was getting tired of that relationship anyway, and I'm much happier with the one I'm in now.    (and this one has lasted over eight years!)

[Mischief Mistress]

IT doesn't sound like you can be yourself as you say you can. Just end it, don't let it suck up anymore of your time.