growing issues

[pepperannie]

I have a soon to be 14 yr. old son who is a big boy.  He is about 5'9 1/2" tall and about 240lbs.  He started lifting weights in May of this year to try to build himself up and get a better image of himself.  He gets picked on about his weight at school.  He is not a junk food junkie.  He rarely eats potato chips, hot dogs, candy, etc.  His problem is that his portions are too large and he should be more active.  I have been on him for so long about this that I sound like a broken record plus he gets upset with me.  My daughter is also on the heavy side.  Both are not the rollypolly type or obese, just have some excess weight.
So with the lifting weights came another problem.............. My son has developed stretch marks all over his shoulders, abdomen and underarms.  He is devasted.  I took him to a dermatologist and she said that this occurs in some adolescents especially with rapid growth.  He is horrified.  He was always self conscious of himself and now it got worse.  He won't do anything that involves taking his shirt off.

The dermatologist said they will never go away but fade in some time.  She said cocoa butter might help but it will take months.  Anyone out there have any advice?  I am so upset inside for him.  I understand these are tough years with fellow adolescents and there is alot of peer pressure to look good.  I feel so bad for him now.  He was trying to look better and now looks worse in his eyes.

[Nokithis]

oh wow, i'm sorry.  it always hurts us when we see something like this in our kids. 
about the weight: get him (and her) a gym membership and a session or 5 with a personal trainer.  he needs cardio too.  this way the personal trainer can get him into working out (weights and cardio) and you won't have to be a broken record.  ask the dermatogist is retin-a would help.  nothing will make them go away, but sometimes it'll help fade them.  but fading combined with moisturizing with cocoa butter may help a good deal. 

**check with the bigger gyms or the "y", lots of gyms are offering free or low-cost memberships for teens during the summer.  **

[NutKitty]

I second the personal trainer!

My boyfriend was having a hard time losing weight no matter what he'd try, but getting a personal trainer has made a big difference for him.  He has personal sessions once a week, and the trainer sends him workout routines daily.  (Dave works out 5-6 times a week - might be too much for a 14 year old boy, maybe he could join a sport?)

He also has to keep up with what he eats and logs it online for his trainer, and that seems to help since he has to report it.

I'm usually the one that makes the plates for dinner, so I started using the smaller dinner plates, and give him smaller portions.   You could do the same for your son, right?

[tamena]

my 16yr old daughter has the problem with the stretch marks too - across her hips, across her thighs and on her back.  The Cocoa butter may take a long time but if it works a long time is worth it.

And please remind your son to take a look at the bigger football players - who ALL have stretch marks btw

The trainer is a big yes...consider something like karate or some other martial arts as it helps with toning and teaches a lot of confidence.
and he ain't gonna want to hear it but please give him a huge hug from us....
he's hurting now but in a few years it's not going to matter that he has a few marks here and there.  It doesn't make things any easier for him now though    being a teenager SUCKS!
Kids are horrible nasty creatures.

and one more thing...5'9+ at 14???  NICE!!!! As a 6'2" Mom of a 5'11" 16yr old daughter - WE LOVE TALL GUYS HERE! 

[pepperannie]

Thanks to all of you!  My son has played football since he was in 2nd grade.  He is of course a lineman with his size.  He has a good head on his shoulders and with his size I believe he could do so well in college, etc.  I had looked into getting a trainer before and he just is a bull head about the whole issue.  I am going to keep trying.  Football practice starts in about 3 weeks so we have been doing sprints on and off to get him ready.  I know he needs to do more for his heart and I am constantly reminding him about his grandfathers heart problems and how he has inherited "our side" of the cholesterol troubles. 

Being that he is very sensitive about his body, I am going to try to get him to a trainer.  Maybe all of us going might make it easier.  I will see.

Thanks for helping me feel better for him.  Yes, 5'9" at 14!  His one coach told him last year he hopes to see him at 6'4" by highschool.  BTW, he is only going into 8th grade due to his birthday missing the cutoff for our district.

My sons other coach made the comment that my son is "too nice" on the field.  He is such a kind hearted boy most of the time and does need to be more aggressive.  Hopefully that comes with age.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!

[forkyfork]

Its not just activity its making the change in the kitchen as well. They may not be eating junk food but they are eating too much and likely too much of the wrong kind of foods or foods that are prepped unhealthy and large portions.

The biggest struggle, and I have this with my husband, is the feeling that its not right unless the plate is heaping full.
He also doesnt think dinners over unless he gets a second helping. And the most frustrating of all he will literally clean his plate even if hes bloated full. Much of this comes from his upbringing, his parents drilled into him the not wasting food issues,  6 kids in the family scarfing up your food in 3 seconds so you could get more was the norm.

The way to combat some of this is to try and use the smallest dinner plates you can find. Ive even known people to switch to paper. Then look at the portion amount listed on the package or going by the palm of the hand portions for meat. Sausages are usually only about 4" of sausage for a portion. Weight watchers books you can get on ebay is very helpful for figuring this out.

When you put the food on the plate tell them that it may not look like enough but to eat but they can have more food if they feel they still need it 15 min after taking the last bite of what you gave them. This will allow them the time to feel full and loose the desire to eat more.  If they get more then its half of the previous portions.
Since he is young and tall for his age you will want to contact a nutritionist to find out what his portions should be or see if you can find a calculator online. His normal portion could be more than yours or your daughters.

Try to have foods that are not inherently unhealthy. There are many many recipes out there that are better for you and no one will ever know from the taste.

The stretch marks will become less noticeable as he looses weight and the rest of the family will benefit as well.

[pepperannie]

It is funny you mention Weight Watchers because I am currently on that.  I lost 28lbs and keep drilling it into my children that they need their 5 fruits/veg each day plus their 3 milks.  I even figured out their points,etc.  I do see them making healthier choices and not quiet eating as much.  My son is a big fruit eater and loves salads and carrots.  I was hoping to make an impact on them by doing it as an example.  I do think they are making better choices now.

[forkyfork]

You are the mom. Living by example probably wont cut it. You need to make them make the changes. Your responsible for their health. Since you are on ww you should be able to figure out how much he should be eating your meeting person should be able to tell you what extra he needs because of his age.

Remember fruit and carrots have a lot of calories and simple sugars. They need to be limited to servings of the foods not whatever amount makes them happy.

They wont be happy with you putting your foot down. They are going to be unhappy for the rest of their lives if they dont learn how to be healthy eaters. Dont be afraid of them being angry with you now, you dont want them to blame you for their habits later in life. If you can get them to change now they will thank you later.

They dont bring this food into the house themselves. You have the power to make the changes and help them to be healthy. Take control. It may seem impossible now but you can do it.

[jesirose]

Dont be afraid of them being angry with you now, you dont want them to blame you for their habits later in life. If you can get them to change now they will thank you later.

As someone who comes from an overweight family and has had to struggle with weight issues, I have to agree with this. My parents didn't do enough if anything to get me to eat right, and now I have to pay for it. They're doing the same thing with my brother. This 8 year old gets whatever he wants because my dad doesn't want him to feel bad. Well, he's going to be feeling bad when he gets to middle school for sure.

You can't just tell kids what to do and hope they do it. Make them do it. You're in charge of the kitchen and if your husband needs to be taught how to eat healthy too, then make them all do it. I sure wish someone had come into my house and enforced some rules about portions.