Advise

[Blue Eternity]

I'm 16 and a senior in High School.

There is a guy in my school band (we both play percussion) that I've been wanting to get to know better (and possibly date), but I can never get myself to talk to him or strike a conversation. Hes younger than me and has talked to me many times and we hung out on a school trip/sat together on the airplane watching movies and swapping music.
I have gotten his cell number from him but I've never called only texted a few times. I've known him for about a year but haven't had the guts to ask him to hang out or go anywhere.

I'm usually pretty outgoing and never have had any problems talking to guys or anyone, really its just him! So I'd really like some advise. I'm just afraid of embarrassing myself in front of him... or worse; scaring him off. Maybe I just need some encouragement. If anyone has a story about a girl asking a guy out I'd like to hear it.

I know it sounds stupid to ask, because I'm pretty sure he does like me, but what kind of stuff can I say?

Please be serious and please don't call me immature for asking. Thanks!

[NutKitty]

It certainly sounds like he likes your company. 

If you're afraid of calling, just send him a text asking if he wants to hang out sometime.  You can keep it casual at first, you know? 

[trubandloki]

I think it is easiest to ask someone to do something than simply asking them to 'go out'.

So find the time of a movie that you think you both will like and text him to see if he wants to go to that movie at that time.

Very casual.

[RatAttack59]

Bowling is a real good activitry for this sort of thing - make it a bunch of kids and include him.

[Speed Ratster]

A movie is a great idea.  Or if you know that he likes to go to the mall (shopping for music, looking at cell phones, ipods, etc.) ask him if he'd like to go with you. 

But first and foremost if you want to be successful, YOU take control of the plans and don't be wishy-washy.  For example, if you're asking him to the movies, pick out a movie or two of his liking and YOU find the theatre and the time.  That way you can text/call him and say "Bankok Dangerous is playing at Lowes Jersey Gardens at 7:15...would you like to go?".  This is a solid plan.  If you ask him without knowing times or theatres, it sounds tentative and indecisive and he will be less likely to go.  As well, have transportation planned out before you ask him.  Boys are just as unsure as girls are at that age, so a little initiative on your part will help a lot (and it'll show what a strong, confident, and smart chick you are).  As well, since you mentioned that he's younger than you, this kind of structure will probably be required on your part.   

A lot of people think that hanging out under the pretense of friendship is easier, but I don't.  I would rather let someone know upfront that I like them.  That way everyone one is aware of everyone's feelings and intentions.  Even when I was a teen I was never impressed by someone who had a crush on me but never had the guts to make it known to me.  It always kind of creeped me out to think back and wonder if that person was secretly wishing they could make out with me while we were at (what I thought was) a friendly movie.  Even if you go the route of having a friend drop the hint to him, at least he'll know and know what your intentions are.

I know this is all a little deep, but at 16 you're at the age where you're mature enough to start figuring out what you like and what traits you value in a person.  Even though he's younger than you are, he will soon be thinking in this same vein and should receive the same courtesy.

I hope it helps, and let us know how it goes!

[Speed Ratster]

If movies or the mall isn't his thing, here are some other activity ideas....

Bowling was mentioned and is a great idea

Ask him out for pizza (if you have the monetary funds)

If you both have pets, ask him if he'd like to bring his dog on a walk with you and yours.  You can make it a special by putting everyone in a car (drive yourself or arrange for dropoff and pickup) and go to a really nice park or a pretty college campus.  Walk slow so it gives you plenty of time to talk and get to know eachother.

Since you're percussionists, ask him to go to Guitar World and check out the new 2B's

If he likes animals, ask him to go to the zoo (I don't think this is a child's activity...I would be thrilled if someone asked me)

[whtnyte]

before you ask him.  Boys are just as unsure as girls are at that age, so a little initiative on your part will help

Just at that age LOL! What's my excuse @ 45 then rofl? Other than the fact that I'ma grumpy old ratman that likes his privacy hahahaha!

[Selestine]

Hehe.. not only did I ask my husband out for the first time, I also proposed to him ^_^;

I admit to shyness when I first decided to ask him out, so I enlisted the aid of a mutual guy friend.  They were both hanging out and I walked up and told'em I was bored and that we should all go see a movie.  The mutual friend waited for hubby to agree and then informed us that he had stuff to do later that night and couldn't make it (this was, of course, preplanned -- devious, I know, but all's fair in love and war).  Hubby and I went together and the rest is history~!

[NutKitty]

Hehe.. not only did I ask my husband out for the first time, I also proposed to him ^_^;

I admit to shyness when I first decided to ask him out, so I enlisted the aid of a mutual guy friend.  They were both hanging out and I walked up and told'em I was bored and that we should all go see a movie.  The mutual friend waited for hubby to agree and then informed us that he had stuff to do later that night and couldn't make it (this was, of course, preplanned -- devious, I know, but all's fair in love and war).  Hubby and I went together and the rest is history~!

UGH...  the same thing happened to me when I was younger, except that I was NOT interested! 

A friend invites me to see a drive-in movie with her and some of our friends.  Cool.

The "friends" pick me up - two guys I barely know, and then they tell me my friend that invited me couldn't make it.

Turns out one of the guys really liked me, and spent the entire time trying to chat me up, and I was just so uncomfortable the entire time.  They asked me if I wanted to stay for the second movie...  nope!  Then they stopped at a park on the way back, and it took forever to get them to understand that I just wanted to go home.

He was a very nice guy, but I liked another guy at the time. 

So, uhmm....  I'm not a fan of this method.   

[Speed Ratster]

My condolences Nutkitty! 

That is a horrible experience and I would have been furious at my friend who originally invited me.  That's not cute...that's practically entrapment.  The same rules do not apply when a boy gets a girl in a precarious situation, as it does the other way around.  It was very immature of everyone involved, and particularly shows the cowardice of the guy that liked you. 

[britters]

My boyfriend now, we have a cute story about me persistantly getting him to hang out.

We were at a party at my friends house, and i saw Brian we have some mutual friends but i've never met him before. So i ask my friend who he is and she doesn't know so she asks another friend of ours and it happens to be his best friend. So our friends introduce us and we start talking about art and tattoos ( he has alot) He's also very shy, it was getting time for me to leave so i say by and ask if he's coming to the next party. Well i couldn't make it the next party, and this went on for a few months where we kept missing eachother. Then we finally meet again exchange #'s but i was to shy to call so was he so another few months go by. In total it was 5 months.
I see him on the other side of the EL one day and call my friend immediatly. I tell her im too shy to call so she gives me his myspace page. We become friends on there and talk almost every nite on the computer. Another month goes by and i invite him to a family party and he comes over we all had a good time. Then i call him a few more times to go to a few more parties with me and he does. Then on the 4th of July all of our friend were hanging out at the park waiting for fireworks and he says to me " can i ask you a 3rd grade kind of question?" i say sure and he says will you be my girlfriend. It was cute and unexpected. We've been together for 2yrs and few months.

So i just say keep asking him to do things, hang out it may take a while, but it sounds like he likes you too.

[Selestine]

-shrug- If he didn't want to go with me, he could have said no.. and if he only wanted to go if the other guy went, he could have waited until the friend agreed.  I didn't say that I invited them both along and the friend ditched us at the movie theatre and left us alone together.  I wasn't suggesting you trap him into going with you.  I was simply saying it might be easier if he thinks that you AREN'T just inviting him, because then you don't need to feel like you're inviting him out for a romantic evening and so you don't need to feel rejected if he doesn't say yes.

[Speed Ratster]

-shrug- If he didn't want to go with me, he could have said no.. and if he only wanted to go if the other guy went, he could have waited until the friend agreed.  I didn't say that I invited them both along and the friend ditched us at the movie theatre and left us alone together.  I wasn't suggesting you trap him into going with you.  I was simply saying it might be easier if he thinks that you AREN'T just inviting him, because then you don't need to feel like you're inviting him out for a romantic evening and so you don't need to feel rejected if he doesn't say yes.

Selestine, I hope you didn't think I was chastizing you and your story.  My remark was directed solely to Nutkitty.  Like I said, even with female lib and equality and all, sometimes vice-versa rules aren't the same.  I'm sure you would be hardpressed to find a guy that woudln't have been flattered if your story was about him, but when the tables are turned and it's 2 guys that are involved in deceiving a girl into a situation, the entire incident becomes something different.

[Selestine]

Ah well -- I do have to agree that Nutkitty's story sucked.  That wasn't particularly cool of her friend to trick her into accepting an invitation and then not showing up.

[NutKitty]

Selestine, I hope you didn't think I was chastizing you and your story.  My remark was directed solely to Nutkitty.  Like I said, even with female lib and equality and all, sometimes vice-versa rules aren't the same.  I'm sure you would be hardpressed to find a guy that woudln't have been flattered if your story was about him, but when the tables are turned and it's 2 guys that are involved in deceiving a girl into a situation, the entire incident becomes something different.

At least in my situation, it wasn't really precarious.  I've always had mostly guy friends, so I didn't feel unsafe.  Just uncomfortable since I didn't like the guy the way he liked me, and it was so obvious what they were doing.  My female friend who invited me certainly got an earful afterwards!   

I guess I just feel that if you like someone, you can invite them to a group event, or out by themselves.  No need to trick someone into it.  That's just my opinion. 

[Speed Ratster]

Come to think of it, I rarely had a shyness problem around guys.  I never kept crushes a secret.  On the contrary, if I liked someone I was so giddy that I was practically bursting to tell everyone (so by the end of the day, the guy in question would have heard it through the grapevine anyway).  I was a huge dork (um, still am) but I never let that get in the way of trying to get a date. 'Cause dorks need dates too.