Sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to handle it...

[ratlets]

This is going to be a very personal post for me. 

I have only lost one rat since finding the sweeties last year.  I had only had my baby Twosocks for 19 days.  She was the sweetest, most loving, most playful animal I have ever known.  When I brought her home, I noticed the red splatters on the shelf behind her cage.  She was put on Baytril and was active, playful, and eating and drinking like she was the happiest girl in the world.  A couple days after her last dose, my Twosocks died in my arms.  I didn't recognize that she was lethargic the night before.  She was curled up with her buddy Ratty sleeping, and when I reached in to pet them, I figured she was just exhausted from all her running about when she didn't come up to meet me at the door.  When I noticed she was lethargic in the morning, I called my vet immediately and got the carrier ready to take her in.  Just seconds after telling the vet I'd be right there, my baby Twosocks took her last breath.  I was devastated. I still am.  I'm nearly in tears as I write this about her.  I just feel so bad not knowing she was so ill. 

This is my Twosocks, where she always sat, sleeping in the food dish:


And this is the final picture taken of my girl.  I thought it was so cute that Ratty was letting Twosocks sleep with her:


I wonder if I'll be able to take losing my current crew.  I'm on Lexapro for depression, and it has helped me tons, but I don't know if it would hold up if I lost any more of my ratties.

I keep thinking that I should not have gotten a pet that doesn't have a long life-span, but I also keep thinking about how much my ratties have helped me with my depression.  I keep thinking about how great they are, how loving and affectionate they are, and just how amazing they are.  I know I made the right choice to get my ratties, but I hope I will be able to cope when I start to lose them.

[dwankrista]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little sweetie. 

This exact subject has been playing on my mind since yesterday's incident with Janet.  I found myself sitting on the bed, sobbing uncontrollably, begging her not to leave me.  Now that I look back on yesterday I'm thinking about what happens when it's not just a small scare but one of my girls has to leave.  I've never lost a rat before.  My girls have been with me and gotten me through so much.  I can't imagine life without them but I know there will come a day when they start passing.  How I'll handle it I just don't know.

I think we have to look at how much love is jammed in their short time with us and how much they give us.  We also have wonderful folks on forums like these who can help during those tough times. 

*hugs*  Take care and I hope your current crew is with you for many years to come.

[DolciLady]

I am on meds & treatment for depression and anxiety, too, have been for years and years and still struggle daily.  It seems a surprisingly high number of us rat owners are afflicted with emotional/mental issues (and are on meds, etc), as was discovered in a post a long long time ago.  Made for an interesting discussion as we explored this "thing" about many of us, but I couldn't even begin to find it again I don't think.  

I sometimes wondered why I got into rats for the same reasons you described...if it was worth it, if I was making myself worse, what was I doing to myself etc etc.

Then I started counting my blessings.  My life has never been so rich, so full of wonder and awe, so much laughter and light heartedness in the 17 months-ish I've been owned by rats.  Yes, it was absolutely horrible when I went through my first loss.

But you know what?  I would rather be granted only one solitary day with rats (the good and the bad and the sad), than 1,000 days without.  There simply is no other relationship or animal quite like a rat.  Of all the types of animals I've had, of all the intensely rewarding human relationships I've had...it's inexplicable the amount of joy I get from my boys.  

Pure joy.

So, when it's time to tuck one of my babies in for the last time and say goodbye, it will hurt, more than words can describe.  But it will still make me happy to look back on the memories and relive the love and joy.  

Don't let motherly guilt rob you of the loving memories.  Don't let their passing erase the joy you have or had.

Something about the rat.  I am truly truly blessed.  And to them, in spite of it...no...because of it all...I say thank you.


Big hugs,
Robin

[mandycoot]

I often wonder the same thing too. It's only been a year since I got my first but the number has blossomed to six and I now can't imagine life without any of them.  Sometimes I think about what it's going to be like to start losing them, which will likely be the first to go...I can't even imagine it. I too am on depression and anxiety meds and I can only hope they can get me through the loss I know I will have to feel someday.

Still, even when I know the pain in store and witness it almost daily in peoples' posts here, I know it's worth it to share my life with my wonderful ratties, even if only for a short time.

[JulesMichy]

I've never lost a rat, either, and just last Saturday I was facing down the possibility of losing all four in one night. I must say that I didn't handle it well. I spent the first half hour of the drive home (before Don was allowed back into the apartment to get them) sobbing uncontrollably and saying their names over and over. I'd be thinking about how devastating it would be to lose Bart, how frightened he must be in a smoke-filled apartment, and then suddenly an image of one of the other rats would pop into my head and I'd say something like: "Oh god, Emma..." or "My Gracie girl..." and start blubbering even harder.

The thought of it was gut-wrenching. Don must've suspected the sheer panic I was going through, because he called me every five minutes until he got them out.

[ratlets]

Thank you everyone for your kind responses.  I really appreciate knowing that I'm not alone in this situation of depression and loss.

Jules, I am so sorry you had to experience that.  I'm very happy that your ratties made it out okay!

[lkblair]

I'm also on Lexapro; it is interesting how we seem to be drawn to rats.   OF course, I have my daughter to thank for bringing them into our lives.  We lost our wee little Socks after only 2wks with us; she died in my arms shortly before her next vet visit, too.  It was awful for all of us.  I've also laid to rest in the last month two wonderful kitties that have been with me since they were weaned 15 and 17 years ago.  But like Robin said, there is something untangible - strange and wonderful and elating - about our dear little rats that make them unlike any of the many other wonderful critters that move in and out of our lives.  Rather than being the disgusting disease-ridden vermin that so many believe them to be, it seems they have some healing qualities about them; they take such good care of us.  Just seeing those little faces pop out of the hammock, or the bellies at the cage as they stand waiting for me to open the door, takes a load off my shoulders like nothing else.

HUGS to you and to all those owned by ratties.  It's a heartache and struggle to face losses too soon, but such an immense joy for them to agree to be our pets for even the short time they are with us!

[RKEM]

Count me in with the happy pill gang. On Effexor and Celexa, most likely for the rest of my life. I actually sought out rats in the deepest darkest part of my depression. At this point, suicide seemed like a valid option because I felt I had no reason to live, so I decided to get pets. This way, whenever I feel sorry for myself or the dark thoughts return, I have one good reason not to do anything stupid, to get up in the morning and go to work consistently and to quit feeling sorry for myself : my rats. They have been my reason for living for quite some time now ... and it's no coincidence that many of them have "Dr" in their name (Jeckyll, Moriarty, Watson, Livingstone). They are the best antidepressant on earth.

Losing them is always a heartbreak, especially after a long illness where there is simply nothing you can do to cure it like those blasted PTs. When I lost my first girl it was awfull, I felt horrible for weeks and entertained the thought of not owning any more rats. But after a while I realized that it didn't really matter to the rat how long they live, they don't feel cheated if they die at 18 months instead of 24, that sense of entitlement is purely human. What they do care about is whether they feel good today, right now, if they've got interesting toys, if their bed is snuggly, if they have yummy foods and so on. This is what I try to concentrate on, making each day of their life as happy as I can. And when the vet can no longer do anything for them and the inevitable happens, sure it's painfull but at the same time, I feel a bit more ok about it because I've somewhat stopped trying to fight it.

Each loss hurts me and takes part of my heart with it, but then I compare it to all the joy and laughter that they bring me and days, weeks or months of pain are such a small price to pay in exchange for years of fun and laughter.

[Nelly]

I've been on anti-depression meds in the past and have had really low times even when I wasn't on them.

Last week I lost Zemmi to a PT only a month after losing my Dad.  It was too soon after losing Dad but it was also too soon to lose Zem, he was only 20 months old.  There have been a great many tears. My hubby has said a couple of times recently that he'd like to say 'no more rats' because of how torn up I get when they're ill and when they pass.  But as terrible as that is, I can't imagine life without rats now.  Zemmi made me laugh and smile pretty much every day he was with me.  My other 3 give in so many ways too, as do my cats.  Every day you share your life with an animal is a special gift.  And there's something very special about ratties, made all the more special because there are so many people that don't understand and just go "ewww, rats".

Our ratties lives are like very bright flames - it would be lovely if they lived for 5 or 10 or 20 years, but something that burns that brightly just can't keep going for that long.  All we can do is love and appreciate them while they're here and give them the best lives we possibly can.

[Marybelle]

Someone posted this a while ago, and I thought it was worth saving:

Why Rats Are Only With Us a Short While

One day, some angels went to God and asked if they might spend some time on Earth, to learn and perhaps to teach.
He answered that some of the people might be frightened of the angels, that His children's idea of beauty might
not be His own. The angels replied that maybe those who could look past the differences deserved the blessings
that they could give. But God was still concerned. The angels needed Heaven's air to breathe; they would
suffocate down on Earth. The angels promised to hold their breath as long as possible, and would return when
they could not hold it anymore. God agreed and sent downthe angels.

Many people were frightened of these creatures, despised them, and tried to kill them in large numbers. However,
the few who recognized the angelic qualities in the beings took them in and sheltered and fed them. In return, they
received more joy and laughter then they could possibly imagine. But alas, soon the angels could hold their breath
no longer. After just a short Earth time, they left to go back to Heaven. But they were sure to tell the next group
of angels exactly who to seek out when they went down.

Author unknown

It really sums up for me the love that rats share with us, and the reason I keep getting them, even though my heart breaks whenever I lose one.

[AneesasMuse]

Okay, I thought I could reply to this one without getting soggy... not gonna happen, so pardon me while I type through my tears.

You have all summed up what my ratties mean to me in every single post... the love that is sooo mutual and the fear of losing them. I don't take meds for my anxiety and depression because the side effects far outweigh the benefits for me, but my rattie kids and my cat and my geckos and my fish and... haha, getting the idea? ...they all medicate me in every way that is beneficial. I have a sense of purpose. I am inspired to drag myself out of bed even on those 'terrible days' cuz I have 16 babies that need their "breakie and dindin" served up just right. The inspiration they give me to get creative on my sewing machine. The laughs, giggles, squeals of joy and all out guffaws during play time and just in the course of the day... in or out of the cages. And there's always someone to sit on my shoulder and lickylickylicky the tears that flood a river on those other "wet days". I can't tell you how many times someone has helped a migraine stop blinding me with pain... just cuddle up with a big squishy or a little nekkid and "it'll be all better" in no time.

My hubby has also asked me not to get anymore "rodents" because of the trauma that ensues when one passes on. My first little one was a little mouse named, Osama. He was a 4th grader when I used to teach elementary and he came home with me for the summer break. Then my little mouser PEW, Pillsbury... he was actually around for a couple of years and it nearly killed me when I found him gone. And now, I have my rattie kids and one little silkie mouser, named Frog. He's an OLD man by many standards... over 2 years... and he has slowed down quite a bit. I walk into the livingroom with reluctance and crazy expectations every single day... "is he still here? has he gone on?" And funny enough, I usually find him snoozin' or tormenting my Taffy girl... they are neighbors cuz he's the only boy she will tolerate in her air space.

It is amazing how so many of us with depression, have self medicated or improved our status by becoming friends with a few rattie kids. I think a rattie should be the poster child for any of those depression organizations, etc. Heh! My doc would disagree, however. 

   The Poodah Pack and their Honorary Momma

[anita1216]

My ratties have always given me great peace of mind, even my surly Buster. They dont ask for much, simple things really. Nothing like a rat bruxing when you give em a scritch in just the right place. I love to see my boys close their eyes as they eat a bit of something tasty.

What bothers me more these days is knowing the heartbreak that the boys will give my daughter when they have done all the living they can. I see how attached she is, the devotion to them and it makes my heart swell with love.

Is it worth it? Yeah, it is. They will have given much more love and friendship in their short lives than many humans can manage in a very long lifetime. It will be worth every tear, that deep ache that comes with losing them. I will sit back and remember each of them, hold their furry little faces close in memory and love them still. I have lost a few rats and I still miss them very keenly. It has never gotten easier, each rat holds a special place in my heart and will for the rest of my life.

[dwankrista]

Aneesasmuse, you've summed it up for me as well.  My animals are my meds since the medications themselves made me sicker.  However, my rats are the most special of those, no matter how much I say I don't play favorites.  Those little furbutts know how to tug on heartstrings. 

[mamarat2]

I just wanted to add some to this post.  Although I'm not diagnosed as having depression, I know there have been times in the past when meds probably would have been worthwhile.  These days my life is much fuller but I am constantly faced with the question of "why rats? they don't live long enough!", mind you this comes from other people and I can't begin to express to them the joys these animals bring to me everyday.

I've kept rats for 6 years I guess and I've found that the loss of these little guys is a very personal event.  Different people handle it in different ways.  I've come to realize that my little angels are still with me in spirit after they have passed, and I physically miss them very much, but I know that while they were with me they got the best love, attention, and care that I can give.

A fellow rat keeper friend of mine once told me that its really a shame that these guys live for such a short time, but that being said, it also allows us to open our hearts and our homes to many different rats over the course of our lifetimes.

mamarat2