I lost my Boo today.

[Lilija]

She passed, this morning.  I'm not one to talk a lot about real pet downers, and their sickness, I guess.  I'd rather share the good times, and cute stuff, but I have to talk about it somewhere.

It started in early March with an abcess under her arm, that I took her to the vet for.  I was worried, because this was my first abcess ever.  He took care of it, and we found a thickening under her arm, under where the abcess was.  It was a tumor.  He removed that, and she recovered fine.  A little over a week later, we found another tumor, and it happened so fast, it was right over where the first one was.  When I first noticed it, it was a few days before Easter weekend, it was the size of a pea.  By that Monday it had just about tripled in size.  The vet didn't want to operate, since it was so close in time, and in location, to the first, and he was worried about her overall health. 

I don't want to go on and on about this, but since we all kind of "know" each other's rats in a way, I just thought I would share.  I've been crying about this all weekend, because Friday she really took a turn for the worst.  She stopped running around her cage, stopped running to the door to greet me, and she literally started wasting away before my eyes.   I made the appointment to have her PTS.  It was for tomorrow morning.  I held her all day yesterday, all day Friday, fed her baby food and Nutra-cal  off my fingers.  I tried giving her all her old favorite treats, chocolate chips, nori, popcorn, mashed banana, grapes.  She licked a little of everything, but she didn't really eat. She stopped drinking out of her bottle, so I gave her water droplets from my fingers, and I knew it was over.  I'm glad I had all day yesterday with her.  I got to tell her everything I needed to, over and over, how much I loved her, and how it was ok for her to go. I planned to do the same, today, to take her with me to my mom's, if I had to. 

I woke up this morning, and she was curled by her door, in her little nesty spot, just like she always slept.  She passed in peace, I think.  She's free, now, and after seeing her waste away so quickly, it's almost a relief.  We buried her in the middle of a lush flower garden, between a flowering almond bush, and vividly blooming gladolius.  I'm not mourning her, I mourned for her pain, for her sickness, and I miss her a lot.  But I know she's whole, free of pain, and happy wherever she is.  I'm crying typing this, but it is very cathartic.  I told myself, when the time would come, I wouldn't do this, but here I am.

I never post on people's "loss" threads, I never really know what to say, even though I read and empathize with every one. I don't know, talking about it feels awkward to me. It feels awkward to me right now, typing this.  I have the same kind of hard time with people funerals, sometimes I'm afraid I'm going to say something insensitive, or the wrong thing.     

I loved her, my first little girly, even though the first few months were rocky.  She bit every chance she got, she would lay into the top of my hand, and hit me like a sewing maching, just -whamwhamwham- so hard and fast, I couldn't stop it.  She was pushy, greedy, with an explosive temper, and ready to brawl at any time.  She was our littlest rat, my husband called her Napoleon. For whatever reason, when she turned about a year old, her personality turned totally opposite. Loved to sit (not be held, NEVER held) on my lap, and be rubbed between the eyes and ears.  Instant boggles, there.  She always hid in my sleeves, pockets, under blankets, or if nothing else wedged face first in my armpit.  She loved to have her head and face covered, and she would fall asleep instantly on my lap that way.  Rest in peace, I know you are, My babygirlBoo. 7-2006 to 5-11-2008

[KoalaLou2]

I never really know what to say either.  I'm glad that she is now free and hope that your hearts can begin to heal.  The hardest part for me is always the waiting before the end, knowing that it will come and watching it come, but not being able to do anything. 
Run and play little girl. 

[Mousie452]

I don't think anybody really knows what to say, except we all feel for each other when one of our own loses a pet. You took great care of your girl and she definately knew how much you loved her. I'm sure she's looking over the bridge and thanking you for the good life and the help in passing.

[TheZookeeper]

I agree..nobody knows what to say because really...what can you say??  Aside from a very simple, "I am sorry"...the loss is just never easy but there is some peace in knowing they are no longer suffering.   

[JR1030]

Aw, I'm so sorry, Lilija.  She was a beautiful girl, and obviously well loved...many people would have given up on her.  Just know that we're all crying with you.   

[fuzzybee]

What a beautiful, heartfelt memorial to a lovely girl.  I'm so glad she was able to pass peacefully, in her own bed.  Thinking of you with deep sympathy. 

[rats_have_rights]

Rest well, little rat.

[RatAttack59]

I am so sorry to hear.  our Boo was very fortunate to land with someone who would tolerate her sewing-machine antics.

[NYDaisy]

I'm sorry for your loss She was a beautiful girl!

[NightmareWolfie1]

We all know how you feel.
Sometimes it's not really what we have to say,
But just knowing that others feel for us, and have been in the same position.
And know we all feel for you.
And I'm sorry for your loss.

[Lilija]

Thank you all for your kind words.  It does help, it helps to know we're not alone in sadness, as well as the happy times.  It helps to hear it, it helps to write it.  Thank you all for just knowing. 

Boo's old cagemate, Mischief was introduced to the babies today, and they hit it off immediately and amazingly.  I think, in her own way, Mischief spent a lot of time watching her buddy, taking care of her, and grieving for her.  She needed companions to run and play with again, and it shows. 

[JR1030]

It's wonderful to see the last of a group or pair revitalized with new friends, isn't it?  Rats are lovely people. 

[wonderrodent]

Sorry to hear you lost lil' Boo!
I am glad you "knew" and were able to pamper her even more before she passed. That reminded me of my precious girl Chailyn. I knew too and was with her the last 3 days until she died (I had also already set up an appointment to have her PTS).

Play hard at the bridge, Boo