Peanut and her tilty head - Goodbye little Peanut 5/7/08

[ratlets]

No real change, lately.  I made her an appointment to have her put down this morning, but last night she shocked me.  She started using her hands to grip things... the eyedropper I feed her with... treats... me...  It could just be a fluke, but it could also be improvement.  She still has the will to live, and she has a huge appetite, and I never have to force anything on her.  I don't think it would be right for me to have her euthanized if she could be getting better.  My vet said it's like she's an old lady in need of a wheelchair and assistance.

Some days my Peanut does look miserable.  Some days she just wants to sleep.  Some days she's a ball of energy.  She's mostly a ball of energy when I'm trying to sleep.  Grr.

I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner, but I have started disolving high-cal (for dogs/cats) in her Ensure.  The dose is one and a half teaspoon per 10 pounds of body weight.  The vet said I can give her as much as she'll eat unless it causes diarhoea. 

Again, I do not feel it is right to put an animal down if that animal is willing to live and has a chance to get better.  Peanut seems to be having improvements, and she has certainly stopped getting worse.  I'll give my Peanut whatever she needs until she has decided she has had enough.  The same as I did for my Kerfuffle.  He knew when it was time, and I knew when he knew.

I appreciate all the good thoughts and wishes for my Nutter.

[Nokithis]

i know the feeling.  they will tell us when they need to go.  thistle has come back from the edge so many times it's amazing.  your little peanut is a brave lady and i wish her well.   

[JR1030]

(((hugs))) for you and Peanut.  I know the feeling as well of trying so hard to keep them with us, because you know they're not ready.  I had that with Henry...he hung on for a long time, and when he was done, I knew.  You'll know.  Give her all the love you can.   

[ratlets]

Thanks, again

Peanut is definitely still gripping.  She can grip very tightly, too!  I really think this is progress and improvement from the Cabergoline, and I really hope more people are able to use it for their affected rats.  It can't be guaranteed to work on all pituitary tumors, but there is always the chance that it could smack down a prolactin-producing tumor!

[ratlets]

Peanut started showing signs of respiratory illness last night.  Her breathing was hard and fast.  This morning, she had developed a full-blown pneumonia.  Her eyes looked like Kerfuffle's and Scruffy's did before they passed.  I gave her a dose of lasix to try to dry her lungs, but it had no effect.  I took Peanut to the vet to see if there was anything that could be done.  I decided to have Peanut put to sleep.  I asked for them not to use the heart-stick, but Peanut tolerated the anesthesia.  They gave her the injection through a vein in her tail, and I thought she had passed, but she began breathing again.  They tried to find a vein big enough in her leg to give a second injection, but they were all too small.  Same with the jugular.  We had to go with the heart injection in the end, but I noticed she had stopped breathing before the needle went in.  I know she didn't feel a thing.  She was out from the moment we put her on the gas.

Peanut was a fighter til the end.

[Marybelle]

I'm so sorry for your loss.  *hugs*  Peanut was a brave girl, and certainly a fighter.

[kferber]

I'm so sorry to hear about Peanut. She certainly was a valiant fighter and you gave her every opportunity to live her life to the fullest. 

[JR1030]

Oh, gosh.  Peanut is one of those who touches us all, and we all feel her loss.  You really hung in there with her, and she knew how important she was to you.  (((hugs))) 

[Nokithis]

i'm so sorry about your loss. little peanut was a very brave strong girl who fought to the end. peanut, please look after your mommy and play hard at the bridge sweet one. 

[NYDaisy]

I am so sorry for your loss

[Dearpie]

What an extraordinarily strong and brave girl.  I'm so sorry she's gone, but she's a healthy rattie now.  *hugs* I hope your heals soon.

[tonivan]

so sorry to hear about peanut but like you said she was a fighter to the end and I know you will never forget that determination.

[Sun of Samsa]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss She fought so hard for so long. I hope you can take comfort in knowing her suffering has come to an end.

[italianqt]

I'm so, so sorry.

[ratlets]

Thank you, everyone.

I'm having a hard time with this.  Peanut was on my bed beside me for 3 months.  It's hard not having her there with me.  I keep wondering if I did the right thing.  I keep wondering if she was ready, or if she felt like I had given up on her.

I really miss my Peanut

[JR1030]

It's human nature to second guess ourselves, especially when we have to make decisions like this for our loved ones.  If she were still here, you'd be wondering if you were keeping her too long and making her suffer.  She knew you loved her and did the absolute best for her no matter what.  She does not feel like you gave up.  She knows you.  You did the right thing, but I know you miss her.    (((hugs)))

[slynx]

I'm so sorry you lost your Peanut.  She was a great rat, and deserves to be missed terribly.

I know what it's like to second guess your decisions.  Particularly after a long, protracted illness where you have to make important, difficult decisions practically every day.  Living with that responsibility, and that fear, is really hard.  I find that it takes me a very long time to recover from those times and to find peace with my choices.  But until you find that peace, please take our word for it that you did the right thing for Peanut, now and for her whole life with you.  I think we demand a much higher degree of perfection from ourselves than our rats ever would -- to them, we are already perfect!  Especially as long as we keep the treats coming.

I won't tell you to heal quickly (I'm not personally any good at it), but please be kind to yourself.  None of this is easy, but you did a good job.

[wonderrodent]

Oh Jordan, I am so sorry. My heart just sank  She truly was a fighter.

BIG BIG HUGS to you.
Sleep tight, sweet Peanut. I am sure you already found Kerfi Scruffy and playing happily - free from pain