my boyfriend is totally against me getting rats.
he says a cat or a dog is fine when we move out of his dads house in a few months into our own place.... but i really want a pet rat! i want to be my own person and not have to be restricted to what he wants all the time.... what do i do?  

Get rid of the boyfriend and make sure your next one has worked in a pet store because then he'll let you have anything you want!  LOL!

Just go get a cage & all the stuff, get your rats (keeping one alone is mean), and then he'll have to just deal with it.  

His attitude is based on ignorance and nothing more.  If he knew how great rats really are, he'd let you have one.  

AND, rats are as close to a DOG as you'll get in a small animal.  They're very dog-like.  They always want to play and are extremely social and easy going.

Really, though, I would just go behind his back.  He'll be mad, but he'll get over it.  I'm sure there are things you don't like that he likes.  He's probably even got some stuff related to these things, doesn't he?  A rat is no different.

Someone I know is married to a man who collects action figures.  They've got these stupid toys displayed all over their house.  I mean, every nook & cranny!  She collects a certain line of Party Lite candles, but he doesn't like them, so she's not allowed to display them in the house.  How is this fair?  It's not.  And it's not much different than your situation with your boyfriend, I'm sure.

Get the rat.  He'll get over it.  LOL!

   

ROFLMAO!  That's GREAT!

It's amazing the ignorance of people.  I take a rat or two whenever I pick up my son from school.  The kids really adore them, but the parents!  OMG!  The parents make SUCH a big deal, "EEEW!  That tail!  EEW!"  One woman calls them "mice" every time she sees them, and today she asked Sam, "Where are the mice today?"  This woman not only fakes like she's shuddering whenever she sees the rats, but she walks around me in a HUGE, sweeping circle and puts about 10' between us so she cannot POSSIBLY come near the rats.

Now, why on earth would she ask where they were on the one day they aren't brought to school?  Looks like she MIGHT just be coming around, doesn't it?

My guess is the original poster's boyfriend would come around, too.

hmmm... we are having big fights over this! the reason he doesnt want a rat is coz he says "they are not a proper domesticated animal".... that really !@!@##@# me off! of course they are!
but the rats arent the only thing hes beginning to tell he what i can and cant do for a few things lately.... like if i can and cant have dreads! i think enough is enough!

Expressing his displeasure is one thing, but telling you that you absolutely cant have something or do something is unfair to you.

My boyfriend is pretty much against me having rats, and its caused several fights. But in the end, he always tells me that if it makes me happy, he will deal with it. (so in the end... Im getting ratties anyway   )

Thats the way it should be, you make sacrifices for him, he makes sacrifices for you.

And as for him telling you that you cant have dreads... thats out of line. Hes NOT your parent, and I assume that if you live together, you are old enough to make YOUR own decisions on what to do with yourself.

Its hard to give advice without that much information about you and him and your relationship, but hes gotta loosen up on you. If he doesn't stop trying to control what you do now... its going to get worse and worse the long you are together. This might sound harsh but its either time to 1. Nip it in the bud and have a good talk with him (maybe he doesnt realize he is overstepping his boundaries?) or 2. cut him loose.

Good luck =)

-Deedles

This is totally not about rats. Whether you stay with this guy or not, I would advise you NOT to move in with him. Last year I lived in a house with another couple that broke up in the middle of the school year. She told him how and what he could do, didnt think the had to obey the same "rules" and even dragged some of us into it.

Long story short, if you move in with a guy like this, you will have a few weeks, even months of pure hell if/when you break up, because you will still be bound by a lease, moving expenses/complications etc. If you are having the least bit of trouble with this guy, then DONT move in with him.

A boyfriend (or any friend for that matter) should never tell you that you arent allowed to wear your hair a certain way.

A relationship is two people.  He can make comments about what he does or doesn't like and you should do your best to try to come to a reasonable agreement, but no one in a relationship should order thier partner to not do something they whant.  You guys need to work this out before you move in together.  I can understand him not liking the thought of rats, but if you have told him what it means to you then he should be trying to find a compramise.  If he is refusing you something that you realy whant then you need to think how well does he know you, is he aware of how much this means to you.   My boyfreind didn't like the thought of rats but we discussed it.  the end result that I have two rats, they do not live in the bedroom, I do all the cleaning and feeding, and make any finacial sacrafices that are needed if they need medical treatment.  This I thought was fair.  He has many computers and spends a lot of time with them, he has to spend time with me (wich I hope he enjoys) and his computer needs come second to our finacial needs.  We both sacrafice things but it works well.  He now loves the rats so all is well!!

Like so many other people on here have said, this isn't just about rats - you need to have a good think about where this relationship is going.

It's normal for people - even people who love each other - not to have the same opinion all the time. There are things I do that my boyfriend isn't mad about, and vice versa. What it basically boils down to is 'do I love this person enough to tolerate (whatever)?'.

If your boyfriend had a total fear of rats, or a bad allergy, then it would be up to you to make a sacrifice because of that if you love him enough. But his reasons are, quite frankly, stupid (and as for the dreads, don't even get me started on that one!).

If you're both currently living with his dad then you're a bit restricted - have you spoken to his dad? His is the permission you need. But you need to make it absolutely plain to your bf that when you get your own place then you WILL be getting rats, period.

My boyfriend wasn't keen on me getting rats, but it was very spur of the moment - they were going to be gassed. He didn't have a real phobia, just wasn't keen. I decided their need was greater than his fear, and just came home with them. Needless to say, he fell in love pretty quickly!

I'm not saying rush and ditch your boyfriend - but you do need to have a serious talk IN ADVANCE of getting your own place, about what you are going to do when either of you wants to do things/get things that the other doesn't agree with.

I was in a very 'controlling' relationship years ago - you always think it'll get better. Believe me, it doesn't.

I'm currently working on getting another rat - Simon doesn't want me to. His reasons are totally valid (and sensible), but I know that if I came home with another baby I wouldn't have anything to worry about other than an 'Oh Ali, not again!'. I know he despairs about the obsession I have with my rats - but on one drunken occasion he's forgotten about (!) he told me that this passion I had for them was one of the reasons he loves me! Rats aren't bad for your health, they are not going to ruin your future

I wish you luck, and a rat-filled future!  

HE CAN STILL COME AROUND.   My boyfriend was the same way.  And he came around.  This is what I did:  

Found the cutest pictures of rats I could find and showed them to him.  

Told him about everybody elses rats online.  (Especially the funny stuff).

This may not work for everyone, but it works for me...  I brought one home without him knowing.  At first he said, "I hate them things, get it away from me".......   After watching me play with the rat.  Guess what...   He now lets me put Sara on his lap and makes noises so she comes to him.   He feeds her treats.......  IN OTHER WORDS...........  HE LIKES HER............  Haha......

YOU CAN CONVERT HIM..........  USE YOUR NOODLE AND THINK OF WAYS YOU CAN GET HIM TO LIKE THEM WITHOUT HIM EVEN REALIZING WHAT'S HAPPENING.  hahahahahaha

it's your choice if you want a rat or not, not your boyfriends, just get some anyway "who know he could learn to love them" my mum was like that when i got my fist rat but now she loves them most out of all the pets in the house. well anyway good luck (and don't  let him contol what you want to do) ~~( 3:>

I've done a lot of studies on abuse and "controlling" behavior, especially since family members made for great study subjects. Like the others said, try to talk to him and compromise. Get some info and all that good stuff. But also look deeper into your relationship. Dreads are one thing, but are you being taken away from your friends? Family? Is he complaining that you spend too much time with friends and not enough with him, even though you see him every day?  Also, if it seems like he's not listening or ignoring you on the subject, be very wary. I've seen this scenario too many times.

You should be allowed to have any pet you want that's caged most of the time (dog or cat I can understand the hesitance) as long as you keep it clean and take care of it. If that's not good enough for them, then consider that many other things never will either.

I'll admit that I did not read all the replies (fighting off a headache today ), but I did skim them.

Basically, relationships are about compromise, but it sounds like he wants you to do all the compromising while he gets his way every time. Not an ideal situation. I agree with some of the others that to the casual observer, this is about more than just rats...

DUMP HIM!! Once you get the rats you will forget about him anyways!  

My husband was totally against my rats when we met. To him they were dirty disease ridden pest animals that shouldn't be kept in the house with people.
I should have taken that as a hint when dating him, but I was too infatuated to care I guess. I just thought he'd eventually come around.
We got married and seven years later he is finally starting to accept them. He lets them crawl on him while he watches tv, and I've even caught him talking baby talk to them when I come into the room. He still throws fits when he sees them kiss me on the lips, but I figure what he doesn't see doesn't hurt him.
The thing is though, it took SEVEN YEARS for this change in him to happen. That's a long time to live with someone that doesn't love your babies! If we didn't love eachother so much it would have probably destroyed our marriage long ago.
You need to talk to your boyfriend and explain how much the rats mean to you. Let him know that you have a right to keep them, whether he likes them or not. If he can't accept this you need to really consider what you are willing to sacrifice. Are you willing to give up not only your rats, but probably more of your interests and hobbies just to make this work?