Today was the hardest day of my life...

[Yresim]

so sorry I will have to be having my two gilrs put down soon I any not ready

I don't think that anyone is ever "ready" to lose a pet.  Some losses are harder than others, but I don't think I've ever been okay with the loss.  

Even the loss of Mocha, who was not really my rat (she was my brother's & Ennoia's), was devestating.  And she died after we had made the decision to put her down (but about 30 minutes before we got to the vet) - my brother actually made the decision, but I was strongly encouraging him to do so.  

Sadly, we cannot guarantee that any of the things we love on this world will outlive us.  The only thing we can do is remember them, and love them, and make the best decisions for them that we know how to make.  

[dragonli]

I understand your feelings. I had my rabbit Squeaker for 9 years when he developed a tumor on his paw. Now, a short time prior to that, I realized from research that rabbits belong out of the cage like cats and dogs. Plus they need special toys and all this stuff I never knew. I felt like the worse parent of the decade. I felt like I had bored my beloved pet into depression.

Then the little spot came. And I thought it was just a cut. Then it got bigger rapidly. By the time I found a vet (on the suggestion of my sister-in-law, bad move) all he could do was yell at me for letting it go so long. I felt 100 times worse than when I came in. He offered to put him down, but I am highly against euthanasia because it's highly misused. I called a friend who told me that my rabbit would tell me when it was time for him to go. But he was still eating and romping (as best he could with a paw enveloped) and being cheery. It wasn't until a very sudden day that he started to get quiet. He died that night. There were no vets open by that time to put him down. I had to endure his death, and even after a year I still feel the guilt and pain.

My husband tries to tell me that I gave him a good life (he was supposed to be someone's dinner at one time) but for some reason it's no solace. Because I feel like I should have done better. and I beat myself up too much about it too.

But I decided that instead of driving myself mad over the past, I would make a better future for the pets I have or get. I'm going to change my cat's diet so he can be healthier. I study about and make sure I take good care of my ratty-boys, and I'm even trying to figure out the elusive gerbil that was neglected for years. I realized that what happened is in the past, and the only way to fix what I feel I did or didn't do is to make the future better for others. It's been very healing to have a happy cat and playful ratties and....the gerbil. At one time the cat was neurotic and severely obese, the ratties were stuck in a 10 gallon tank with no one to play with, given an improper diet, and the gerbil....well he was just plain bored.

I'm sure you will find healing too in the care of the rest of your buddies. It's the best way to honor those in our past who taught us many lessons and were just too cute not to squish every day. I thank you all for letting me share my story. sorry it's so long. Just that the topic was all too familiar...