Author Topic: Yogurt Drop  (Read 744 times)

Offline happybat

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Yogurt Drop
« on: December 28, 2016, 04:53:16 AM »
For my rats, love is round
and pale, and solid
manipulable with front paws
creamy, and slightly sweet

love comes at odd moments
occasionally, with farewells and greetings
surprisingly, a sudden effusion
apology. maybe, or recompense

I should like to hold love like that
To weigh it, guage its frequency
Its comings and goings
To give it simply,

Here you go. Have another.

by happybat


It's been a while since I posted here - or had rats! The ladies (Thorne, a pink eyed white and Ashe, a dumbo black hooded, both girls, both around nine months old) and I'd appreciate anyone's feedback on my poem.

Offline BigBen

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Re: Yogurt Drop
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2016, 04:47:33 PM »
I like it.  The word "manipulable" took me by surprise.  It's not a word you generally find in sentimental pet poetry, lol!  For me, it suddenly raised the tone to a level I hadn't been expecting when I started reading.  In some ways, this poem has the feel of a haiku:  an observation put into few words (though without the seasonal reference that a haiku generally contains).  Thank you for making me think.
What is a rat?  King-sized love in a pint-sized package.
Rat Code:  2m1f22r !B C? D+ F S-- ocA reC sM a+++ e++++ n

Offline Kitsch Slapped

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Re: Yogurt Drop
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2016, 05:51:32 PM »
Very nice. If it was not named Yogurt Drop, I may have been confused as to what this 'love' is. But I understood every line. Very well written. Thank you for sharing :)
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Offline Been to the Mountaintop

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Re: Yogurt Drop
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2016, 08:25:38 PM »
Beautiful! I like the word "effusion." And the last two lines.
--Best, Mountaintop--

Offline Been to the Mountaintop

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Re: Yogurt Drop
« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2016, 08:29:01 PM »
My husband really likes it too. A quiet, taciturn sort, he listened as I read it, paused to think, then enthused, "Hey! That's kinda cool!"
--Best, Mountaintop--

Offline purple rat

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Re: Yogurt Drop
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2016, 08:15:37 AM »
I really like it!  You created a thought-provoking poem out of something as ordinary as a yogurt drop  :bow:
proud mama of Spock, Merlin & Streaker

missing my babies at the bridge: Remy, Tuck,   Neo, Crash, MRR Canadian boys Kirby & Digby, brothers Baxter, Abbott & Bentley. Goober

Offline happybat

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Re: Yogurt Drop
« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2016, 03:51:29 PM »
Thank you so much!  I'm often too shy to share what I write - I'm glad I did this time.